Forever Blessed & Loved

My beautiful children

2011-11-26T08:16:00.000-08:00

Thankful

2011-11-26T07:14:00.000-08:00

Every Thanksgiving it seems like the cooking, cleaning, and days events override the real purpose of the day.. which is to be thankful. Here are my top ten things I am most thankful for.... (in no particiular order)

10. I am thankful for the way Oliver greets me when I pick him up after work. His eyes light up, his feet get wiggly, and he sqweels with delight as he covers my face with slobbery kisses. It is the best greeting I have ever had and makes me feel so special!

9. I am thankful for Abdisa's spunky personality and sweet spirit. He can be so stubborn, so difficult and so demanding... yet so stinking funny, thoughtful and sweet all in the same ten minute span. I have never had a child make me feel so many things at once and challange my parenting skills. My favorite moment is when I hear the stomping of his feet as he runs to our bedroom in the night, jumps right in the middle of the bed and says "somebody snuggle me"

8. I am thankful for Danny's loving personality. He is so sweet and thoughtful all of the time. Random times of the day I will get a spontaneous hug or kiss. He tells me all the time how much he loves me and is so greatful for the smallest of things. The other day he found a new shirt in his closet and he came running up to me and said, " Thank you so much for my new shirt! I love it. Your the best mom ever!"

7. I am thankful for my daughter Kailey who is the funniest person I have ever met. I have no idea where her sense of humor comes from but I love it. She brings laughter to my life and a smile on my face.

6. I am thankful for my daughter Taylor. She is so thoughtful and helps me so much with the boys.. she is kind of like their second mom. She has also become one of my close friends.

5. I am thankful for my husband who is super loving to me even when I am hard to deal with. This last year has been a hard one as we are working our way through parenting little ones, lack of sleep, busy careers and very little time to connect one on one. I am greatful he is willing to get up every morning and give it his best effort and that at the end of the day he still loves me, loves our kids, and desires to be part our crazy, chaotic family

4. I am so thankful for my health. Two years ago I was so sick and really thought my life on earth was about over... I am greatful for each day I have been given.

3. I am thankful for all of my friends and family members- It is so wonderful to be surrounded by loved ones. People who are true and genuine, who aren't scared to tell me the truth, who are always supportive and loving. People who really know me.

2. I am so greatful for living in America and the freedom that I have here. I know that most of the world never gets to experience the things that I take for granted everyday- prosperity, freedom, food, warm shelter, a great job, abundance of choices and the ability to chose my lifestyle and future.

1. So very thankful for my relationship with God. He fills me up everyday so that I can pour out to my children. He calms my fears when I am faced with the uncertanties of life. He is my strength, my foundation, my everything.

Happy Thanksgiving 2011

sayings around our house

2011-11-17T15:32:00.000-08:00

We have a thing with nicknames around out house and Ollie is also known as "Oliver Poliver" Danny came up to me yesterday and said, "You know what mom? Poliver is not Olivers last name... Dad told me so."
coming from the same kid who I asked one day... "What is your real name" (trying to see if he knows Daniel)
He responded "Danny? Manny? Danny Wiesemann? Oh I know, Danny-Bo-Banny!"

Disa's new saying seconds before he does something he is not suppose to do "Oh, that is a tricky bad idea!"

When we dropped Danny off at the bus stop Abdisa yells, "Bye my sweet, sweet Boy!"

Danny asks me, "When do I turn G? Like PG 13 you have to be 13 to watch, so when do I turn G? 1, 2, 3, 4, where is G?"

I was carrying several things down the stairs and Abdisa was in front of me and he states, "Don't run me over. I'm just a little boy."

Back into the swing of things&

2011-10-01T18:50:00.000-07:00

Life in the Wiesemann/Pfaff house is chaotic, crazy busy, and super fun- wouldn't change a thing!
Oliver is now 5.5 months old. He tips the scale at 18 pounds and is still the happiest baby I have ever had. His new trick this week is squeeling like a pig whenever his brothers are close by and talking loudly. I think it is his way of being part of the action. He has found his fingers and thumb and is about to give the binky the boot. He also can almost sit up without help.
Abdisa is still full of high energy as always. He is getting better at using his words instead of temper tantrums or outbursts...I am confident by age four things are going to be much easier.
Danny is doing awesome at school. He is reading and learning to love books. I think the social aspect has been fun too... today he told me "Mom, I love school so much! I wish it was school everyday." He continues to be a high scorer at soccer. After every goal he grins from ear to ear, gives another player a high five and flexes a bicept or two.
Kailey is getting funnier everyday. I have discovered she has an amazing memory, a great English accent & loves to quote movie lines. I hope she joins the drama team next year in high school.... I think she would do awesome at it. Lately she has been quoting from the movie Bridesmaids... it has been quite entertaining.
Taylor is doing great at high school. Last week was spirit week so she dressed up everyday- Abdisa thought super hero day was the best when she went as Wonder Woman.

Time seems to be going by so fast these days. I have been trying hard to really enjoy the kids and our time together. Eightteen years really don't seem like much in the big picture of things...

my snap

2011-09-10T18:48:00.000-07:00

Disa "Danny is this my snap?" (disa's thumb & pointer finder touching)
Danny "NO that's your flick, this is your snap" (He snaps his middle finger & thumb loudly)
Disa (looking at his fingers trying to rearrange them, finally states with a sigh..)
"I can't find my snap...)

Rick is in the livingroom & I am in the bedroom. I loudly ask him what he is doing then give him suggestions on how to do it. Danny is in my bath and I hear him sigh and say "Dad is not a good listener."
I say, "Sometimes none of us are good listeners"
Danny says, "I know, I've talked to both of you."

Danny in the kitchen blowing on his new green recorder he got at daycare graduation (thanks Miss Kiddie!)
Disa standing in the livingroom yelling... "Stop Danny that is anoise! Stop Danny I can't listen to that anoise!"
(I think the word he was searching for was annoying.)

I love the things these guys say. It is so funny to see the world as they see it. I wish I had started this months ago. Hope you are enjoying it as much as I am.

precious moments

2011-09-01T21:22:00.000-07:00

So today I look in the backseat of the car & Disa is crying big crocodile tears.
I said: Honey, whats wrong?
He said: I'm sad.
I said; Why are you sad?
He said: I miss Danny.
Ahhhh, so sweet.

Disa & Oliver were hanging out on the bed while I was getting ready. Oliver was jabbering away & Disa was playing with him.
I said: Are you talking to Ollie?
He said: Yes (with his little lisp)
I said: What is he telling you?
He said: He wants to go back in your belly.
I said: Oh, he is much to big to go back in my belly.
He said: (in a very firm voice) HE SAID HE WANTS TO GO BACK INTO YOUR BELLY.
Wild guess but I think someone just realized Oliver in my belly was better than Oliver out of my belly.

Danny & I are at the first day of kindergarten and the teacher just conducted their first am circle time. Danny comes back to the table & asks "So now am I in the first grade?"

We are at the dinner table after the second day of kindergarten and I ask Danny "Did you see any of your friends at school today?" He says, "I saw Brad in the girls bathroom" I ask, "What are you doing in the girls bathroom?" He replies "We can go in which ever one we want!" (so not true, as the first thing he learned in kindergarten was how to tell which bathroom was girls and which one was boys, I think he didn't make the connection on why that tidbit of information might be important)

The boys

2011-09-01T21:04:00.001-07:00

these are a couple of my favorite photos...

a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D0imoTEjM34/TmBWI95_6VI/AAAAAAAAA6s/ZEropnMc6AY/s1600/IMG_5083.JPG">

Disa is crazy about super hero costumes these days. He picks one out every morning then changes several times a day. I never go anywhere with Disa anymore- it is usually Mr Incredible, Captain America, Buzz Lightyear, or one of the transformers. With the super heros comes various weapons...it is all quite fun. I love to watch him pretend & play. This photo is after a hard day of saving the world... he fell sound asleep in the upright position. I had to check several times to see if he was really sleeping, I couldn't believe anyone would fall asleep that way. What an energetic fun boy!

I love these pictures of all three boys checking one another out. They were all playing so nicely on the floor I had to get out the camera. Oliver loves his brothers. Anytime he starts to get fussy I can send one of his brothers over to talk to him and he instantly smiles & chats to them. He loves to watch them play and I am sure can't wait to join them.

First day of school

2011-09-01T20:56:00.000-07:00

Well, here is to another school year! The troops were off and everyone in a different direction at a different time...Mornings have definately gotten more complicated. Taylor to high school, Kailey to middle school, Danny to kindergarden, Disa to preschool, Oliver to grandmas, me to the clinic, Rick to the office....Proud to say we were all on time, but only on the first day

ollie & momma

2011-06-25T15:23:00.001-07:00

my favorite photo with my baby

action shots

2011-06-25T14:53:00.000-07:00

Danny & Daddy have found a new shared love...shooting guns. He was on cloud nine after a morning at the range. I have a feeling these two are going to be spending most Saturday mornings together doing just this.

Danny's second love is playing t-ball. He loves hitting & catching & may I say has amazing hand eye coordination! Check him out....

Big week ahead

2011-05-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

This is Ollie at 4 weeks:

This is Ollie at 5 weeks:

This is Ollie at six weeks:

We have reached the dreaded six weeks mark. As excited as I am to see him grow & develop I have been anticipating this point- It means I return to work without him this next week. Yuck! I had been hoping to stay home all summer with the kids but unfortunately my replacement at work has quit & I had way too much time off with preterm labor & our finances require me to go make some money.
i am greatful that it is only three days a week & ollie gets to go to grandma's which is the best place to be if you are a baby. Grandma has vowed to do nothing but hold him all day long.

This is Grandma Ann & Ollie practicing their time together:

brotherly love x3

2011-05-29T07:38:00.001-07:00

The boys are doing great with the new addition to the family. Abdisa made the observation at breakfast the other day, "Look momma, me & danny match & you and ollie match! We brown, you're white." Disa has also started nursing his baby which is also too cute.

Faces of Oliver

2011-05-01T18:04:00.000-07:00

Our little one is now 18 days old. His due date was today so I thought it was only appropriate to show him off. I think he is the cutest baby ever!!

baby shower

2011-04-26T18:25:00.001-07:00

This is Deni & Jeanne- both of the midwives I worked under at the birth center...It has been wonderful to have such a close relationship with my health care providers during this pregnancy. But I have to say I am probably the worse patient ever! Jeanne is earning every penny taking care of Ollie & me.

I Love the Decorations... my family & friends went out of their way to make this a special day of celebration for our little boy.

This is my beautiful daughter Taylor who threw my shower with the help of my best friend Dawn. It was super thoughtful of both of them. And I have to say it was the best shower I have ever been to. It was so much fun to hang out with all my friends & family. Huge thanks to all who attended and helped!

we are complete

2011-04-26T18:19:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are! Complete & whole now. So much has happened since I last posted- the biggest of which is the birth of Oliver. I am going to go back & try to fill in the gaps... bear with me as it is all out of order, but better late than never.

Waiting for baby

2011-04-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

This morning I was put on strict bedrest due to my blood pressure getting too high. I know I said I was on bedrest before but it was more like I slowed down from 75 miles an hour to 25. Nurses are such bad patients and I am no exception to the rule. I kind of figured since the contractions weren't causing dialation I didn't need to be "resting" per say, instead I just tried to be well rested for the big day incase the contractions started to acutally dialate me. But now, I have to stay down since my bp shoots up when I am up & about.
I have cried on & off this morning... I don't know why this is so hard for me. I guess cause I have four other children, a husband and a house to run, let alone a job I really enjoy... and at any moment I am going to switch roles to a new mamma which is going to take up about 90% of my time and energy so I want to be ready & prepared. How in the heck do you do that laying on your left side in bed all day. Yuck!
So as part of my bed rest I did a non-stress test on Ollie to see how he was coping. Disa needed to go first and listen to his baby Ollie. He sat with me for about 15 minutes listening to his belly it was so cute. While we listened he told me how he was going to rock & feed baby Ollie soon. It was super sweet! I'll post the video of our conversation next.

Oliver

2011-03-24T07:10:00.001-07:00

While I was in the hospital they looked at Oliver. At that point I was 33 weeks. My amniotic fluid looked good. His kidneys are now normal bilaterally (Praise Jesus!) and he is about 5 pounds.
We were able to talk extensively to the neonatalogist and my friend who works the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) about what to expect if Ollie comes early. Prior to 36 weeks they worry about three things. First is breathing, often little ones don't remember to breathe or need help maintaining oxygen saturation so we can expect some sort of breathing apparatus like a nasal cannula or oxygen tent. Second they have a hard time keeping body temperature so lots of skin to skin contact or in a warmer. Third, feeding is often uncoordinated & takes lots of practice. He will probably be fed through an IV or nasal gastric tube... then slowly start practicing breastfeeding.
If he delivers prior to 36 weeks he will most likely spend that remaining gestation period in the NICU. Everyday I can keep him inside me will save us a day of NICU.
I really can't imagine having my baby & not taking him home... it would be really hard & then to try to juggle my other children & home life while spending as much time with Oliver as possible... it would be hard.
However, selfishly, I have to admit I am so over being pregnant. The contractions are down right annoying & sometimes painful, they continue night & day so sleep is worse than ever. And I am just so ready to go through labor & start my life as a new mother again. All the waiting & anticipation is tiring....

A difficult few weeks

2011-03-24T06:46:00.000-07:00

I tried to post the events of our life last week, but half way through my thoughts the computer shut down & I lost everything. I didn't have the strength to start all over..
I have to say the last two weeks have been a huge struggle at our house. It all started with a nasty flu/cold that Kailey picked up and gave to Disa, who so lovingly shared it with me, who passed it to Rick, who gave it now to Taylor! The only one healthy is Danny & I am praying he remains that way. It was high fevers, cough, extremely sore throat, fatigue, snotty nose & laryngitis. It was so bad it sent me to the emergency room three times last week unable to breathe. It was the absolute worse feeling in the world.
Then just as the cold was easing up, my uterus decided to get irritable and send me into preterm labor. I then spent 48 hours in the hospital on awful medication to stop the contractions while they gave me steroids to help baby Oliver's lungs to develop. It was an intense couple of days watching & waiting to see what would happen. One minute I thought for sure we were going to progress to full blown labor the next it seemed as it was easing up...
Then to top this all off, Rick had surgery on his leg the day before I got my full blown flu & was on crutches during all of this. As you can imagine, him hobbling around on one leg & me not being able to breathe while contracting every five minutes it made parenting two little boys an almost impossible task.

It has been 15 days since this all began... I am now 34 weeks along & on "light duty" until 36 weeks. My contractions continue in intervals of 5-7-10 minutes apart (depending on the day)...I am still only dilated to a 3 and spend most of my day wondering if today is the day Oliver will make his appearance.
Rick traded in the crutches for a walking boot yesterday & is in much better spirits.
The boys are back into a regular routine of school, play & home time.
Taylor is battling out the cold & Kailey is back to her fathers this week as usual.

Through all of this I have to say two things really struck me.... first I have an amazing support system of family & friends. Everyone really rallied around us & helped out- from taking care of the boys, to running the girls around, making food, giving me massages & pedicures in the hospital to holding my hand & praying when I was at the end of my coping skills. I felt very loved & supported to say the least. Second, I am so not in control of my life. From every breath I take to baby Oliver's delivery this is all in God's hands. My part is to trust & believe it will all work out. Much easier said then done, but it was my only source of peace through it all.

Here's to putting the last couple weeks behind me & looking forward to whatever is to come!

MY Birthday boy

2011-02-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

Danny turned five this last week. He was so excited to finally be "bigger." All week we he would proclaim: "now that I am bigger I can reach the sink without the stool" or "now that I am five my sweatshirt is too small" or my favorite "Wow, momma my wee wee is bigger! It's growing!" hehehe

We took him cupcakes & lunch to preschool on his birthday then had a family celebration with cake. The big hit was transformers.

Danny's head is a little too big for the youth Tball helmet that grandma got him... Maybe his head grew too!

A little help from little brother blowing out the candles.

I love the look on his face in this photo... a little excited... a little shy...loving his moment in the spot light!

sledding

2011-02-20T08:41:00.000-08:00

Danny's face speaks a thousand words!

Volleyball

2011-02-20T08:36:00.000-08:00

It has been so much fun watching Kailey play ball this year. She is very a strong & talented player. She is the only girl on her team with a consistant over hand serve. Check it out (curtisy of my new camera!)

2011-01-30T06:01:00.001-08:00

Sorry to leave everyone on the cliff hanger....My ultrasound was good. I forgot my CD so the ultrasonographer printed me three beautiful photos of Oliver. He was holding on to the umbillical cord & sucking his tumb all with the same hand. It is precious! I wish I could post a photo but I know not how to scan things....As far as his health is concerned the only worry is his kidneys. Both kidneys are measuring large. At the last U/S they were 5-6 this time they were 7.5. If they continue the same growth pattern they will be around 11 or larger at the time of birth. Most babies kidney's at full term are 6ish. It could be an abnormality like an extra renal pelvis in the kidney or a blockage of some sort stopping all the fluid from draining completely. He has a normal amount of amniotic fluid so we know that they are functional at this point. We will do another U/S at 34 weeks & if they are large we will consult one of the Docs at Rick's work for a game plan. Probably do a u/s & emptying studies at 24 hrs old & go from there. Worse case he may need surgery to correct the problem.
Thank you for thinking of our family-I really apprciate all the comments you all post. It is such an encouragement to know you all are praying & thinking of us.
As far as the rest of the family goes life right now is like the calm before the storm. We all are super busy with work & school & we call seem to come home & crash after dinner. Thank goodness we haven't had any evening activities since everyone has been in bed prior to nine.
However, it is about to get busier. Rick & I are going to start childbirth classes, Taylor starts drivers education (630 am m-f) this week, & Kailey will have volleyball games two to three times per week. I think I need to ramp up the vitamin B12 just to have the energy to keept the schedule straight!
I have to say, I absolutely love my life. I have a wonderful family & beautiful children who make me smile- busy, not busy, sick or healthy, I wouldn't trade a second of it for anything.

Second ultrasound

2011-01-10T07:08:00.000-08:00

I am headed out to my second ultrasound this morning....I am bringing my mom since Rick can't be there just in case of bad news. I am hoping Oliver is up to showing us his face so I can have a good photo for his baby book. I am officially 6 months along & getting anxious to have this litle one. I have a new sense of appreciation for women who carry more than one baby at a time- that really has to suck! I feel as big as a house these days & can't wait to have my body back- It is getting harder everyday to put on my socks & I can't see my feet over my belly anymore. Ahhhh three more months! Yipppeee!

Christmas

2010-12-26T15:32:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it is over. We had a wonderful Christmas which ended with dinner & presents at my mom's house. My wonderful husband surprised me with a new camera so of course I had to try to capture the moments....

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T13:27:00.000-08:00

So blessed this year. Our family all together, love, health, money to spoil the kiddos, it was a wonderful holiday full of memories we will cherish forever!

Test results

2010-12-21T18:42:00.000-08:00

So relieved to report that we got partial results back from the amnio & our baby is going to be okay. It was such a relief to hear!
I will write more details later but right now I have a young toddler who is requiring my attention. Thank you for all your thoughts, prayers & kind words. I felt truely loved & supported by each one of you when I needed it the most.

Christmas Conversations

2010-12-21T18:34:00.001-08:00

Rick took Danny to Target this last weekend to finish their christmas shopping. Danny saw a large candy cane decoration & yells out at the top of his lungs, "Look Dad! Its a hooker!"

my beautiful family

2010-12-19T14:13:00.000-08:00

2010-12-19T14:05:00.000-08:00

ultrasound

2010-12-15T14:39:00.000-08:00

Life is so unpredictable...complicated...and continues to catch me off guard. On Monday Rick & I went to see the perinatologist for our official ultrasound. Since I have chosen to the natural route I routinely see a midwife for my prenatal care. AT 20 weeks it is routine to have an "official" ultrasound to make sure everything looks good.
I was super excited to finally get a good look at our baby boy & to fall deeper in love. I climbed up on the table, Rick at my side, and displayed my beautifuly big belly. The ultrasongnographer placed her magic wand over my baby and little Ollie was displayed on the big screen above our heads. For a whole 30 minutes we got to see each & every inch of him while she measured and examined him from head to toe. Silent tears excaped my eyes as I watch my little man squirm around in my belly- tears of love & excitement. The more she moved her wand the more he wormed his way around my womb. He started transverse (sideways) and ended up vertex (upside down).
Next came in the doctor and the rest of the appointment was surreal. I remember I could hear my heart beating in my ears as I listened to him speak. I stopped crying but continued to smile. In a quick second I could feel myself transform from sappy mother to game-face mom....keep smiling, don't panic, you can not fall apart... I kept repeating to myself "I can do all things thru Christ who streghtens me" and as simple as it sounds it gave me strength.
The doctor started taking about kidney size, fluid in the collecting system, femur ratio is too large, femers measuring small... risk factors for other problems & diagnosises... "if we would consider ending the pregnancy it would be a good idea to do an amniosentisis now rather than later".....it all felt like a blur of words.
Rick & I decided to do the amnio; not to terminate but to get more information. It would be 10 days before we know anymore.

I have spent the last 72 hours in a place I have never been before. I keep trying to find the words to express what I am feeling but every word seems too simple. I am scared of what the future has for Ollie, of wheter or not I will be strong enough for him & our family. I keep looking of signs pointing to how this will all turn out. Calling all my friends and family for encouragement. I am fearful to hope for the best just to be given bad news. I have cried a river of tears and everytime I think it is safe to put on mascara again more spring forth. I am having a hard time looking at his ultrasound photos...my mind races & my heart aches as I look at his litle face. So for now I will breathe in & out... and wait.

Please keep us in your prayers this week- more than anything I desire the peace that surpasses all things. Peace in my thoughts, peace in my heart & peace for Ollie as we wait for test results.

Christmas

2010-12-06T18:01:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas. It is hands down my favorite holdiay of the whole year! I love shopping, buying gifts, cooking, get togethers, celebrating Jesus's birth, it is all so much fun. We have a holiday tradition of opening gifts before Christmas.... I have a hard time keeping secrets and often can't wait to see what my loved one's think of what I got them...I remember one year, when it was just me & the girls we had all of our presents open two weeks before Christmas!
So in keeping with tradition... Kailey came to me tonight & said "In honor of St. Nicholas day we should open a gift just like they do in Germany... we are part German." She gives a good arguement and since it takes very little for me to get motivated to bust into a gift we let the kids pick one to open.... (of course one turned in to two, but who's counting?)
Disa got to open the first present since he was the littlest. He gently placed his gift on the table, folded his hands behind his back & closed his eyes & said, "Thank you for everything. Amen!" Could not have said it better myself!
Bless his little heart I think we found a new family tradition!

It is a boy!

2010-11-27T08:23:00.000-08:00

Not my ultrasound, but one that looks just like it. We found out this last week that we are having a boy! I was totally shocked and so was Rick. I had convinced myself and him that it was a girl. Jeanne, my midwife, asked both of us if we were disappointed, I think based on the look on our faces. Heck no we are not disappointed just super shocked!
We are kicking around names right now. The only one we all have agreed on is Oliver. I pray nightly that this little on is healthy & MELLOW! The thought of three wild boys scareds me!

"I ate it all gone"

2010-11-27T08:11:00.000-08:00

This post is a week late, but I couldn't write about it without the photo. It just wouldn't have been the same. Last Sunday morning Disa came over to me choking on something. Instantly I flipped him upside down & hit him on the back several times & within a couple seonds he stopped choking. However nothing came out of his mouth; some how he managed to swallow it upside down. Of course the first thing I do is yell for Rick and then start quizzing the boys on what Disa ate. It happened to be a metal nut from a bolt that holds their wooden table together....Ahhhhhhhh
So we pack up and head to the ER to confirm that the bolt is in his stomach and not in his bronchials. Eventually we get settled in & Rick takes him down to xray. The doctor comes back into the room & asks us if we want to see the xray... of course we do.. so I am holding Disa, Rick, the Doctor & I are staring at the photo... Yep it is in his stomach. Disa points at it and says, "Me ate that all gone!" (too funny)

Mom on vacation

2010-11-21T06:06:00.000-08:00

I was gone last week to visit my sister & Rick had the boys. He did a great job as a single dad all week. On Sunday he got them up & ready for church & sent me these great photos....
Later I asked him how church was, he said,"By the time I got us ready it was half over so we skipped it." Heehehhehe.... I still give him an A for effort.

how did he do that?

2010-11-21T06:01:00.000-08:00

A month ago it was just getting cold in Montana... Disa doesn't like being cold. So we turned on the fire place and he sat next to it getting warm. Several times I said "Don't touch the glass it is hot." Danny even chimed in, "Disa its real real hot, be careful." Less than a minute later I hear "Ow!"
He leaned too close to the fire & put his forehead on the glass... pretty sure that is going to leave a scar.

long time no update

2010-10-30T07:10:00.000-07:00

Most of you have probably given up on me... I am recommitting today to update weekly.
Here is a quick update on each of us...
Rick is starting a new job on Monday with a urology clinic. He is looking forward to a much needed change of pace & environment. He still covers the ER in rural Montana and is getting pretty good at it.
I am working full time at a family practice clinic running their diet program. I love it but it keeps me way too busy. Starting in December I am going to four days a week and am excited to spend an extra day with just me & the boys. I am also 14 weeks pregnant! Yikes right? Totally unexpected or planned but a huge blessing all the same. We will find out in a couple weeks if it is a boy or girl. We are due May 1.
Taylor started high school this year & is loving her new independence & freedom. She is doing well, has made lots of friends- maybe even a boyfriend but she is not confessing at this point.... I keep giving the same boy a ride home everynight so I think I may be on to something...
Kailey is in the 7th grade and is enjoying not having her big sister around school. She is going to start volleyball after Christmas & is quite social... I am constantly running her from activity to activity.
Danny is getting so big... he will be 5 in a few short months. He is still quite serious & says the funniest things. Daily I catch him teaching & explaining things to Abdisa. He is a great big brother & quite excited for the new baby.
Abdisa is still full of energy & life. He is getting easier as he can communicate much better. Slowly but surely he is learning to listen. We have several things that need to be mastered before the new little one comes... top of the list is putting himself to sleep without being rocked and potty training.
As soon as I find the power cord to the camera I will post photos.
Blessings to all of you- Linsey

Long time since last post

2010-07-12T07:12:00.000-07:00

So... life has been busy, however I miss blogging. I never realized how much I enjoy documenting our days together until I stopped. It helps me to see the blessings in the little things every day. Our newest adventure is potty training & mouse hunting. Two of my least favorite things in the world.
I stumbled across a three day potty training protocol after one of my friends was raving about her daughter (who was Disa's age) being potty trained. So I read it, passed it to Rick. He read it & then we picked a weekend to train. Last Friday we started....the protocol says three days....Sunday night he still didn't have a clue what was going on. So this morning I am fixing my hair thinking we failed...what went wrong... now what do we do? Throw him back into diapers? And to my surprise my little Disa comes running into the bathroom & says "Pee". I attempted to place him on his little toilet but he goes to the big toilet to stand. Hmmmmm that is new but I go with it & sure enough he PEES!!!!!!! Yippee. I started to applaud & do the pee pee dance, Danny is clapping & giving the thumbs up, Daddy is whooHooing. It was a big party with M&Ms for reward. But the best part was the big fat grin on his face. He was so stinking proud of himself. Ahhhh it has all been worth it.
On to the mouse hunt. If you know me you know that I hate mice. I actually have a phobia of mice & when they are in my house I am irrational & on edge to say it politely. Yesterday I was in the kitchen & decided to staighten out the pantry when a mouse ran from one end of the closet to the other. I jumped, screamed, shut the door & jumped up on the counter. Rick ran to my rescue & stood guard at the pantry door with the shop vacuum while I ran to the store. To really appreciate the story you have to realize that I had just rolled out of bed so my hair was crazy, still in my pjs, carrying a 2 year old black boy dressed only in his under ware, running frantically through Walmart calling out..."mouse traps, where are your mouse traps." Disa in my arms keeps repeating "portant, portant" (I had told him in the car we were on an important mission for daddy) After buying out the store of mouse traps I bring them to my husband who then catches the mouse. Horray. I still lined our entire downstairs with traps & pray we don't see anymore. I did run across one in the garage this morning but I am a bit more rational with them in the garage.

funny stories

2010-06-14T18:13:00.000-07:00

Danny sneezed in the back seat of the car yesterday which was followed by a long silence. Then in a booming voice I hear him say "Will somebody bless me pleeease?"

I burped while drinking my soda & politely said, "Excuse me"
Danny responded by saying, "Thank you for using your manners that makes me very happy."

We were on a hunt for a missing action figure "Mikey" from Monsters Inc. We had looked everywhere upstairs and were beginning to search the downstairs when I hear Danny cry out from across the room "We are coming for you Mikey. Don't worry we will find. Hang tight good buddy."

We left daycare the other day to see two men standing by the door putting up a flag poll. Danny looks at one of the men and says, "Hi, are you a stranger?" He responds, "No I work for Miss Kiddie" Danny says "Ok,I can talk to you then, HI."

Danny & Disa were fighting over a toy & Disa was not sharing very well. Danny yells to me, "Mom can you start counting for Disa please." Disa pipes up "TWO. One. Three"

needless to say I laugh on a regular basis when they open their mouths.

giggle...giggle

2010-04-06T09:06:00.000-07:00

This morning Rick fixed Danny's hair. There is really only one thing to do to it since it is so curly... you pick it out and put grease in it. Really can't mess it up and it looks the same everyday.
So after he gets done, Danny says: Probably I am going to mess it up when I get to school...I don't like it like this.
Rick tells me this and I ask Danny at breakfast: You don't like your hair this morning? How do you mess it up?
He says: Like this. (Then runs his hands over his hair. In reality it looks the exact same)
So I ask: Do you want me to put ponies in it? (meaning rubber bands to try to dread lock it)
He looks at me and says: What? You think I am a girl?

Giggle, giggle....these boys are funny!

sleepless nights

2010-03-22T07:01:00.000-07:00

My friend asked me the other day, "When do the kids finally sleep through the night?" I told her I thought once kindergarden hit it might definately be a possibility....or maybe middle school...definately by high school...
I can't remember the last time I got to sleep all night long in my own bed at home with my kids sleeping in their own beds, however it is a goal of mine.
Abdisa is still having some night terrors, plus he sleeps in our bed, and he still has bottles... which makes the possible number of times we might have to get up astronomical!
He did make me laught the other night.... about 3 in the morning I decided I was done snuggling him. So I pushed him toward the middle of the bed and rolled over on my stomach to sleep. With in ten minutes I feel these little hands reach for me then knees on my back and plop...he is spread eagle laying on my back. I said, "Disa do you want me to hold you?" In a little sleep voice he responds, "Hold, Yes."
I'll remember that memory the rest of my life....and somehow it makes up a little for all the sleepless nights.

mother of the year award

2010-03-08T12:41:00.001-08:00

So I blew it today! Totally flipped out and lost my temper... it was not pretty and I have been feeling bad ever since. Danny and I went rounds this morning about him lying to me. Every time I feel like we are done with this nasty creature it rears its head at me....Yuck!
I gave myself a time out and reflected while the boys napped and called my sister who is an amazing mother. Before she could say hello I dive into my confession. When I am done she says, "I can top that one..." and tells me all about her lost temper and screaming at her children like "a crazy woman" It made me feel so much better! Not that I want any child to witness the ugly sides of their mother but that I am not the only one who has blown it... big time.
So to all the mothers who have lost it, cried, thrown things, had a temper tantrum and acted inappropriate in response to a child who has frustrated, anger, provoke or otherwise pushed your buttons... I feel your pain sister... I feel your pain.
Thank God I have people I can turn to and be real with. Even though I am sure I have lost the "mother of the year award" I think I will take my own good advise (usually given to Danny:
"Maybe you can try again after nap and make better choices next time."

fancy food

2010-03-08T12:36:00.000-08:00

My husband works so hard to provide for us... so when I turn around and serve him hot dogs, carrot sticks and asparagus I feel a little guilty. There are many days that I wish I was a gourmet cook...
So what do I do? I tried fancy plate decor to see if it would spice up a boring meal... check it out!

snotty noses & cough

2010-03-03T07:25:00.000-08:00

Yep, the title pretty much sums up our last two weeks. Colds have been running through the family like crazy. In fact Danny just got sick for the very first time ever. He was quite the trooper and kept telling me, "momma maybe I am all better now" He was missing all of his activities and sick of being stuck at home.
It is beginning to look like spring in Montana. The sun is finally starting to shine & we were able to go to the park for the first time this year! The boys had a blast. Danny went on the swings & Abdisa chased the girls around the park.
Rick got his second interview for a new job and we are anxiously awaiting to see what happens with that...I have an interview today for a job. I am hoping to work 2-3 days a week.... not sure this is the right one for me but it feels good to get an interview and to start exploring my options.
Wish me luck!

work & health

2010-02-23T18:38:00.000-08:00

Well, since I haven't said much lately I figured I'd give an update on my health status... The nausea has returned and been present for most of February. However, I am happy to report that it is different than before. Instead of being associated with food it is now more of a timing issue. I am very nauseated when I wake in the morning but after I take zofran it disappears & usually doesn't return. Once in a while I will eat something that makes my belly turn but usually it will settle down quickly.
For the last three weeks I have been waiting for it to get worse but it has remained the same. For that I praise God and am very thankful! I am going ahead with the allergy testing and an MRI of my brain... if all that is negative and it doesn't get any worse I think that I can start to pick up the pieces and resume my life.
I am looking for a part time nursing position. I hope for two to three days of work outside of the home. For me, I think that will be a good balance. I think the boys are ready for more activity and should respond positively to the change. I haven't found anything yet that works but I am going to throw out my resume' and see what happens.
Wish me luck!

stinkey

2010-02-16T19:16:00.000-08:00

I usually don't talk about passing gas... but this is too funny to pass up. The other night I had really, really bad gas. No idea where it came from but it was the type that could clear the room in less than 30 seconds. Unfortunately, poor Disa was sitting on the couch next to me and one snuck out... Disa looked at me and said, "stinkey, stinkey" then gave me the sign for poop. Then he leaned over and peaked in the back of my jeans looking for the source of the foul smell.

Heehehehe... Disa you are too funny!

Rough morning..

2010-02-15T06:50:00.000-08:00

Nothing like waking up in a puddle of pee... I kept trying to tell myself that it was just Disa spilling his bottle (not that milk is much better than urine) however the wet spot kept growing. Finally, I decided to investigate & sure enough Disa's diaper was leaking! So I strip the sheets and him & placed him in the bath, at which point my nausea was so bad that I thought I would vomit if I tried to do anymore... so I crawled back to bed and wrapped in a blanket. Next thing I see is Rick carrying a bowl back and forth from the tub to the bath...I begin to guess what he is doing. Abdisa is pooping in the tub and Rick is scooping it out. I was going to give him some advise but decided to let him figure it out... On his tenth trip to the toilet he decided to get Disa out and put him on his potty which Disa is not happy about. So Danny, Disa and Daddy decide to bag the bath & get in the shower. However, Disa doesn't let you put him down in the shower so papa cleans them up while singing the bumble bee song, then get them out & dressed then heads back into the shower to finish up. Unfortunately, the shower is cold by now...It takes me another 20 minutes before I can get up. During this time, Rick comes over and kisses me several times, gives me my medicine, brushes the boys' teeth and hair and solves a dispute between them.
Six months ago, Rick would have been in a panic over the morning events... freaking out, not sure what to do and the boys would have been very distressed over his reaction. It would not have been a pretty sight. I was very proud of how much he has grown. If one thing good has come from my sickness is that he has had the opportunity to be a hands on, 'I can do anything', super hero dad.
I am so thankful for him!!!

Road trip

2010-02-14T08:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we headed out to Hamilton for my nephew's first birthday! I took my camera so I could take pictures at the party and then forgot all about it once I got there.... however I did take road trip photos of everyone!

Monsters Inc. Marathon

2010-02-13T08:27:00.000-08:00

So far all of my children have done this so I think it is very common. The first movie that they actually sit through and watch start to finish they become obsesssed with. For Taylor it was Toy Story, for Kailey Blues Clues, for Abdisa it is Monsters Inc. (Danny it is all movies, so he is my exception) So our days have been filled with Monsters on the TV all day long. He even woke in the middle of the night saying "Inc, Inc" The kid is totally obsessed! It is quite entertaining watching him watch the movie. He is very expressive, and even though he has seen it atleast 20 times he is still startled in certain spots. Here he is watching the movie....

new family member...

2010-02-13T08:23:00.000-08:00

This week the girls got there hair done this week; both of them went dark... Taylor like mine, Kailey more of a auburn brown.
I picked her up from school and when she went to get in the car Danny looked at her and said, "Hi, my name is Danny." He didn't recognize her. Hehehehe
I have to say I was very proud of how polite he was to our new family member!

super hero party

2010-02-06T09:30:00.000-08:00

It is Danny's fourth birthday this Tuesday and I am pretty sure will be his first birthday party ever~
I am so excited to celebrate with him! We are going with the super hero theme. Thanks to, my good friend, Kylie's party planning skills it is going to be the best birthday party ever!
I am not the only excited one.... Here is the birthday boy to be...aka "superman"

learning bible verses

2010-02-06T09:11:00.001-08:00

So this week I was teaching Danny his bible verse for AWANA.his verse was'we ought to love one another first John four eleven.' I broke it down into three phrases and repeated it over and over for several minutes. He wasn't getting it. So I thought I will add action to help him remember, on the word to I held up two fingers on the word one I held up one finger and this was his response...

"We ought this many lovers....(atleast he was holding up the right number of fingers)

I think "lovers" was a combination word of love and others

So we practiced some more and then he said...

"we ought four lovers, no three lovers, no two lover...I can't know mommma!"

Needless to say it was a very entertaining activity

Missing a limb

2010-01-27T16:30:00.000-08:00

Today was Daddy's day at home with the boys. I love Wednesdays... it's the day I volenteer at The Birth Center, run errons with no kids, & usually grocery shop alone. Not super exciting however I really enjoy my time away. Today I spent less than $30.00 at the grocery store and it took me 45 minutes to get what I needed. (Needless to say I was in no hurry!) While I was away, we had an accident. Rick called me to tell me that Buzz Lightyear took a tumble off the couch (with a little push from Disa) and lost his left arm. I was instructed to get super glue at the store (which I forgot) so Daddy could fix him. Since then Disa has been in a permenant state of distress over the loss of buzz's limb. He walks around the house saying "ya oh" & "buzz, buzz" lamenting over his injury. Then he looks at us with this confused, sad, distressed look. check him out:

what a crack up

2010-01-21T13:06:00.001-08:00

The boys made me giggle this morning...
Abdisa, as I have said before, loves shoes & loves to wear other people's shoes. This morning when Danny was trying to put on his shoes for school Abdisa stole one and was walking around the house in it. Danny says, "That's my shoe Disa, give it back. One, Two, Three...."
Abdisa just stood there looking at him, and when Danny started counting, Disa started holding up fingers to count with Danny on his hands.... Hehehe, not the response that Danny was hoping for....

new discovery

2010-01-19T17:19:00.000-08:00

For the first time in my life I have given myself permission to eat anything and everything I want to eat...without guilt. I have to admit that when I first got back from my last surgery I was a little worried about gaining back all of my weight once I felt better. I was about 15 lbs overweight before I got sick and it did feel good to have that extra baggage gone... so I have been watching the scale daily. However, over the weekend I lost my feeding tube- (big long story) it was displaced and the surgeon made the decision to pull it. I haven't needed it lately but it was my safety net in case this nausea-illness came back. Oddly the night before it was pulled, Rick & I were discussing when we should remove it. During our discussion we realized that my illness had a pattern to it. If you consider that there is no explanation why I felt better after the botox injections & after my recent surgery and just looked at a time line you will see that there is a three month/two month cycle to my nausea.
We picked up Danny Feb 15, I got sick mid April (2 months of healthy)
I was sick mid April to mid July & unable to eat (3 months of illness)
The nausea went away mid July to mid September (2 months healthy)
Mid September to mid December the nausea returned (3 months of illness)
The nausea went away mid December..... if the pattern continues I can expect the nausea to return mid February.
I should clarify "healthy" to say that the nausea is never all gone, I am still sick in the mornings, evenings and sometimes it will flare up during the day, however, I am able to eat and gain weight during my "healthy" time period. If you ask me it sure still sounds like a parasite, however I have multiple tests done here to look for a parasite and they all come back negative... (If we ever figure this out I am going to call up Mystery Diagnosis and see if they will air my story.)
So, I have decided to be pro-active this time should it return. I am going to stock my freezer full of prepared meals so I don't have to cook, sign up for as many shifts as I can do for home health to save money for a babysitter, and gain as much weight back as I can so I have something to live off of when I can't eat.
More than anything I just want to be healthy. I want my miracle. However, if I don't get it now, I am determined not to let this illness rock my world- physically, mentally or spiritually...

capturing the moment

2010-01-17T07:19:00.000-08:00

I was cooking dinner the other day and the boys were playing so nicely in the other room. Danny was helping Disa put together a puzzle and kept saying things like...'good job' 'you did it' and Disa was all clapping and praising the whole situation. So I decided to pick up the camera, pretending to be looking at photos on it when really I was filming it...

So much for playing nicely!

cousins

2010-01-15T15:36:00.000-08:00

Right now my cousin is in Ethiopia picking up her 7 month old son. I have gotten a couple emails about their journey that have been passed around the family. It brings me back to when we picked up the boys. It feels like a life time ago...
I am so excited the boys will have not only adopted cousins but also have the same heritage. It's unfortunate that we live on opposite sides of the country however the boys will be a good excuse to head out of the cold and down south.

My daughter asked me this morning when my cousin & I became such good friends... I had to chuckle cause up until lately she really wasn't someone that I kept in direct contact with. It's funny how adoption can bring people together and give you common ground that last forever. I have gained so many great friends during our adoption & feel truly blessed to be so supported in our decision. I also love when I can help out someone else who may just be starting their own adoption or having a rough spot and needing non-judgmental help. With that, I just want to really thank all of you who have been there for us, loving and supporting us the whole way. I love to read all your comments and suggestions from my blog.

Blessings & love
Linsey

posting out of order

2010-01-12T20:24:00.000-08:00

So I started my new year update/recap on January 2, and just finished it tonight. I didn't realize that you can't change the date on the post once you start so if you look below the "lying" post you can get an update on my family.
Blessings
Linsey

Does a three year old understand lying?

2010-01-08T18:38:00.000-08:00

So we are encountering a small issue with Danny... He is a very eager to please kind of boy. He wants to make us happy at all times and avoid trouble. (totally understandable) However, he has now taken to lying. For example:
I have told Danny several times not to draw on my van windows when they steam up. (My OCD can not handle it) So after telling him for the third time not to do it I happen to turn around and he is drawing on the window. So I ask the logical question, "Are you drawing on my window?" He looked at me and said "no mommy I am not drawing on your windows."
I tried to explain to him that he cannot ever lie to momma... and then he had to do time out. He pretty much had a blank stare on his face while I was discussing the matter and when I asked him why he got in trouble he couldn't really explain it to me.
Then we did round two tonight.
I watched him kick a block towards the fireplace, then asked him,did you kick your block? "No mommy, I didn't kick the block."
AHHHHHH.
So I wonder does he understand lying? Am I fighting a loosing battle at this point or is he playing me for a fool??
The challenges of motherhood never end...

A new Year

2010-01-02T08:52:00.000-08:00

Every year I think, wow, that went fast. And these last two years have been no exceptions. I think that is partly because so much has changed in our lives in 2009.

Abdisa has grown so much and is becoming a little boy, no longer my little baby. A year ago he was trying to crawl and now he never stops running. He is a busy boy from 630 am to 830 pm. He can count to three, tells you he is two if you ask him is age, moves furniture to get to things he shouldn't be into, cries if I hold another child, and knows about 8 animal sounds. Lately when he knows he is about to get into trouble he will run and hide in his closet and stand very still, thinking if he doesn't move you won't see him. He loves shoes and likes to wear other peoples shoes around the house no matter how big they are. And he puts his toys down the vents...then randomly confess his actions when you walk by the vent, he will point and say "ball" or "shoe".... (we are desperate to brake him of this). He has grown from a tiny 5 pound baby to a wopping 23 pounds. He never walks, always runs, and goes ninty miles an hour all day long then just colapses when he is tired. Yesterday he fell asleep sitting up in the shopping cart. It has been an incredible joy to be his mom!

One year ago Danny was still in Addis and we were anxioulsy awaiting our court date. Danny has by far grown and learned far beyond our expectations. He went from only speaking Amharic to fluent English. He is still very sweet, passive, smart little boy who is egar to please. He talks more than any other three year old that I have met. Pretty much he talks non-stop morning to night. I have to confess there are times that I bribe him to be quiet. He loves movies! Loves to watch them, reinact them, and discuss them in detail. Preschool has been fun and was a good a decision for Danny. He has learned to count, sing the ABC's, learning colors and loves to draw circles. He really has only gained a pound or two since his arrival which just confirms he was definately a favorite at the orphanage... getting every need met. He has grown four inches taller and is now in 4t pants instead of 24month. I asked him yesterday if he had a mommy or daddy in Ethiopia. He thought about it a minute and then said yes, then quickly changed his mind to "no, I didn't have an ethiopian mommmy, you are my only mommy." (he melted my heart) Our adjustment took some time but I can honestly say he now feels like my son instead of someone else's child that I just take care of...I love Danny with all my heart and praise God everyday that we were able to adopt him.

Kailey this year has become a beautiful young lady. She has grown 6 inches and is now as tall as I am, which has been a blessing cause now we can trade clothes! She started middle school and transitioned very well. She has definately become more independent and social. She is still as funny as ever. The boys love to play with her as she will chase them around the house until they fall over giggling. This year she took an interest in volley ball and I am super excited to have a child in sports again.. Her coaches say she has nataural talent. I look forward to the next year with her, to really get to know her as she grows into a young lady.

Taylor is an amazing young woman & I have been so greatful for her compassion for me this year... She has helped with the boys, sat with me when I would cry or was really sick, always offering to help, rarely ever complaining. She has stopped growning but has passed me up for height. Next year is high school and it shocks me to think it. Her favorite pass time is to practice driving around the side streets. I can't enter a car with her without hearing, "can I drive." I might add she is pretty good. Won't be long and we will be looking for her a car. I think I will love it when I can send her on errons... we have grown closer this year & I pray that continues as we start the adventure into the teenage years.

My health continues to improve. I have gained five pounds and am no longer gray as seen in the Christmas photos...We are still puzzled as to why I am sick, and why I am getting better, but I thank Jesus everyday for my miraculos healing and hope it continues. I have learned a lot this last year. I typicaly would fly around my house doing chores; always moving while trying to engage with others... this year I was forced to remain still and I noticed how much I missed being busy. I am trying to stay committed to being present in the moment wherever I am and however I feel. Life is precious and can be taken away at any moment; I don't want to ever waste another second which has caused me to reprioritze my life. Here's to a great new year!

Rick has been our rock this year. He has worked his butt off keeping us afloat financially and me emotionally. He has grown a lot as a father, husband & friend. I am so proud of him for the way he handled this year. I hope this next year he will find more time to rest, relax and hang out with us.

Got Milk

2010-01-02T08:47:00.000-08:00

Rick & I enjoyed our first white chocolate lattas of 2010 on New years day. The boys wanted to participate so I made them steamers & it was a big hit!

funny Danny

2009-12-28T15:03:00.000-08:00

Just one more movie before Christmas is over....
Excuse the nose picking...

2009-12-26T11:46:00.000-08:00

Danny patiently waiting for his turn to open presents

Christmas

2009-12-26T11:28:00.000-08:00

Wow! I can't believe it is over and done with... Our Christmas was truely filled with blessings, love, laughter & one happy happy three year old who discovered that he loves opening presents. Abdisa wasn't too much into the opening of presents, especially after he opened his brand new electric toothbrush!(his new obsession is toothbrushes) Since I was gone to seattle, the girl's schedule was very open & I got them most of christmas eve and christmas day which was fabulous!
I was so thankful this Christmas to just be alive. There have been moments this year that I didn't think I would be around...and it really struck me how stinkin blessed I am. My children are truely wonderful and a joy to be around. We have had many bouts of laughter that have caused me great strain in my stitches. I love each one of them so much I can hardly stand it sometimes. Then there is my husband, who is amazing. He has been so attentive, caring and sympathetic to me which is exactly what i have needed. We just celebrated our fourth year anniversary & I consider myself so lucky to be his wife & friend.
Well, before I get too sappy, I'll post some photos. Merry Christmas to all my friends and family! We love you all.

danny's christmas sing along

2009-12-26T08:42:00.000-08:00

Danny was pretty casual about his christmas singing...definately not a performer like his brother and sisters! But he moves when he sees santa!

health update

2009-12-26T08:19:00.000-08:00

Surgery went well...(for the curious I posted a photo)

They sliced me down the middle to get the feeding tube in. The tube hanging out of my stomach is for fluid & feedings. I have been feeding at night and trying to eat orally during the day. So far I have been averaging about 500-1000 calories orally a day without too much nausea. When they were in my intestines, they found a diverticuli on my small bowel and an enlarged lymph node on a ligament; both are abnormal & were removed for pathology. We are still waiting for the report on them but things are looking up. I am still in pain from the surgery & am tired easily but the nausea is better.
I have been shocked by the amount of people who are praying for me daily...I feel very blessed and encouraged that God is going to see us through on this and that I will be healed, even if we never figure out what is wrong.
Abdisa is obsessed with my "ouchie" He believes I should pull up my shirt and show him my ouchie on demand...so on Christmas eve at church he requested and was offended when I wouldn't show him my whole stomach. Then last night he started showing me his belly, pointing and saying "ouchie" to his belly button. Too Cute!
He also loves to push around my iv pole when I do my feedings....maybe we have a future nurse or pa on our hands.

surgery tomorrow

2009-12-17T16:22:00.000-08:00

Two things I know for sure... one, I don't have gastroparesis.... every doctor who has reviewed my file since the last time I was here agrees. two, I have no idea what I have or what is wrong with me. I met a surgeon today and we are doing surgery tomorrow. At 6:45 I will go under and he will place a j tube (for feeding) and then a portacath (for perminent IV acess). I will have to stay in the hospital for a couple days to make sure that the feeding is going okay and that pain is under control. I am hoping to be traveling home on monday.
I am nervous & not looking forward to this but I feel like I don't have very many options at this point. My weight is down to 125 lbs from 150 in February. I keep thinking that they are going to open up my intestines and find a whole bunch of worms or bugs... wouldn't that be funny!.
I will get a lot of test results next week as far as parasites go so I hope to get to the bottom of this or atleast rule out a few more options.
I appreciate all the prayers and family support. Everyone has been great jumping in and helping with the boys which has helped a lot.
blessings & Love
Linsey

christmas tree decorating

2009-12-16T15:50:00.000-08:00

Danny was such an awesome sport and helped me decorate the christmas tree. Then we carried all the presents down to put them underneath the tree. Since then I have let the kids open a few presents... they are loving that. Disa loves to take the chirstmas balls off the tree and give them to me....I think most of the tree will be bald by the time christmas gets here.

Back in Seattle

2009-12-16T14:57:00.000-08:00

Well, I am back in Seattle for more health procedures. I am super bummed it ended up being the week before Christmas as I am missing Danny's first Christmas play and Taylor & Kailey's concerts. They have been good sports about it and Rick promised to record them so hopefully you'll all get to see. the good part is it will be on this years insurance so hopefully will cost us nothing.
I spent some of last week in the hospital getting fluids and trying unsuccessfully to find a surgeon to place a feeding tube. Everyone has agreed that I needed it, we just couldn't find someone to place it the way my GI doctor wanted it. He is trying to leave my stomach a "virgin" stomach in case I have to have a pace maker placed which makes it a harder surgery to do.
I have a consultation appointment with a surgeon tomorrow and hoping for surgery on Friday & back home on Monday. I am more at peace with getting this done the closer it gets to the big day. I think if I can give my stomach a rest and just do tube feedings and get good nutrition I will probably feel so much better than I do now. I am waiting on a lot of tests to rule out parasites & hormonal issues. I am hoping my Christmas present this year will be a positive diagnosis with a cure.
Rick has got the boys at home this week, today they went shopping for Christmas presents for me. We tried skyping last time I was here but it just really frustrated Abdisa that he could see me but not touch me.
I'll let you all know what happens after the consultation tomorrow.
Blessings

talkers

2009-12-02T16:39:00.001-08:00

I thought my girls were talkers...they were nothing compared to Danny & now Abdisa. These boys talk non-stop! Yesterday we were in the car and Danny was talking to me (only I wasn't really paying attention since I couldn't hear him very well & honestly I was tired of listing) so in the middle of him talking my phone rang & I answered it. When I got off the phone Danny said, "Don't worry mom, I was talking to my self." I got a chuckle out of that one.
Abdisa is adding words to his repertory daily. He now says: mine, house, grampa, no.
I am enjoying his ability to communicate better but he still throws big fits. I am beginning to think that has more to do with him being the youngest and less to do with communication.
I have been busy working a little for the home health group, & a lot at The birth center. We are jumping through the hoops of licensure & accreditation...
My health is really at a stand still. I have good and bad days. Unfortunately, overall my eating has decreased & my labs aren't looking good. My triglycerides are 7 which is supper low- a signal that my body is in a fasting/starvation mode and has been for a while. I am waiting to hear from the surgeon tonight to see when we can place a feeding tube into my small intestine. While I am under I am asking for a portacath so we can stop doing IV's everyday. My veins are shot.
I'll keep you all posted.

Back from Seattle

2009-11-13T14:54:00.000-08:00

On Monday we had a huge change of plans... I was able to leave for seattle and be seen the next day by a GI specialist. I was only gone three days but it seemed like forever for Abdisa...he was rather distraught not having me at home. We skyped once to see if that would help, but he ended up just crying and kisssing the screen the whole time. Then the next day he walked by the computer and cried Momma, reached for the blank screen... when my face didn't appear as expected he ripped several keys off the computer keyboard.... then said "bad, bad"
So as for what we found out in seattle... I redid the gastric emptying test and it boarderline normal (low end of functioning). All that means now is that I can not be diagnosed with gastroparesis by traditional testing... our new plan is to beef up the domperidone for a month & I have a referal in to mississippi to get a gastric pacemaker trial run. I doubt the trip will occur before the new year. Until then...I manage with my Iv meds and try to maintain my weight. If I get down to 120 lbs then I have to get some sort of feeding tube placed.
Well, that's all the news I have here. Ashely our nanny/sister in law did a great job with the kids & house while I was gone.
blessings and love Linsey

health update

2009-11-08T08:06:00.000-08:00

Wow... look at me blog this morning! Sorry I have been so sparatic... Somedays I think if I were to get on here and chat... that it wouldn't be very pleasent.
my health is at a stand still... without much hope at the moment. I have had four picc lines so far and none in now. the last two gave me a total arm reaction...it was a cross between hives/rash/blisters....and it itched like crazy. I think I am allergic to picc lines. So instead I just have in an iv to take my medications. I am taking two antinausea meds four times a day. They help a lot and I am able to function very well so long as I don't eat or drink. Rick has been doing one to two iv's per day. Eating has been complicated. I stopped my TPN feedings three weeks ago and have lost 10 lbs. I usually can get down a bagel, plan bread, or crackers- I doubt I get more than 500 calories if I am lucky. My doctor here wants to place a jtube- so I can get feedings in but we can't find a surgeon willing to do it. I am waiting to get into a clinic in seattle for more testing but they are moving very slowly at getting my records and assigning me an appointment.... It will probably be late december before I am seen.
I cry a lot.... more out of frustration than pain. I have learned to deal with the constant nausea...I still struggle with not being able to eat. Somedays I am very hungry, other days I have a huge aversion to food.
I am thankful for all the support I am getting & am just asking for more prayers...specifically that i will have favor with the doctors and be able to be seen soon, or get some type of feeding program established.
Last night we had friends over and Danny told one of them, "My momma crys a lot. she is sick." It about broke my heart...he is very in tuned to my heart...

zulu knots

2009-11-08T08:01:00.000-08:00

So I wanted to do something fun with the boys' hair.... my friend and I tried Zulu knots. I wanted to corn row or braid but danny's hair needs to be about 3 inches longer. I am not sure what I eneded up with but here is the end result...(we did disa's while he was sleeping...)

I left danny's in for church....we'll see what kind of feed back I get... hopefully they don't think it is too girly..

halloween

2009-11-08T07:51:00.000-08:00

I love the fall! Montana is so pretty in the fall... the boys had such a fun time at Halloween too! The girls refused to go out trick or treating with us... they didn't want to ruin their hair before their party...so Rick & I took the boys around the neighborhood asking for candy. It was probably the best day of danny's life. He said, "Momma we have lots of nehvers (neighbors)with candy!
the first door we came to he knocked, then walked right in to go find the candy...(I think he was a little confused with easter)Thankfully it was a friend's house and she let us do a couple practice rounds until he go the hand of it.
Disa was even able to say trick or treat....he wasn't much into the candy but he loved taking candy from their basket and putting it in his.
After they were tuckered out...we went home and distributed our own candy. Danny helped me pass it out to the trick o treaters....Disa just kept picking out stuff from out basket to put in his....tooo cute. Okay, I'll stop talking and let you see the photos. Very fun family night!

pumpkin day

2009-10-17T19:20:00.000-07:00

We had a great day today...went to a local pumpkin patch, picked out pumpkins, carved pumpkins, baked chocolate chip pumpkin cookies, and pumpkin seeds....
It was super fun!
As you can see Disa slept through the entire pumpkin patch, but it made for a cute photo anyway.

2009-10-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

Danny loving up Papa on his 31st birthday.

The boys went to meet the local college football players and got bedtime t-shirt signed by all the players.

Maddy the dog

On a side note- I had a picc line placed yesterday & plans to head to Mayo clinic on October 12 for more testing. I have normal days, good days and really really bad days. I never how I will be feeling day to day... It is rather frustrating! I am trying to take care of the kids on my own to save money but some days are really hard. I would greatly appreciate your prayers for healing.
Blessings- Linsey

disa's impression of a bird

2009-10-02T08:45:00.000-07:00

updates

2009-09-19T20:19:00.000-07:00

Rick: Well, he has been working a lot as usual. It is his one year anniversary of being out of school & working his current job. Starting next month he is going to get Wednesdays off & working one weekend a month in a small town ER not far from home. It will be so great to have him home during the week one day. I know the boys will love having him around more, as will I.

Taylor: Just started eighth grade year and is loving every minute of the social aspect of school. We have started discussing what type of car she wants for next year and she begs me to drive on a regular basis. She is trying out for the all city orchestra; I hope and pray she makes it. She also wants to attempt volleyball & basketball. I have seen a huge change in her self esteem this year which is giving her courage to try new things...I am very proud of her.

Kailey: First year of middle school. I think it is a little challenging but she is handling the pressure well. She is playing volleyball which is also new for her. I can't wait to see her play.. I think she will be very good. she is also still playing the violin and becoming quite the musician. She too begs me to drive however the last time she was behind the wheel she parked up on the neighbors lawn. I haven't gotten the courage to let her try again.

Danny: His English is perfect. Everyone can understand him, he no longer needs me as a translator. He started up with preschool twice a week and loves every minute of it. His new favorite food is cheeseburgers from any fast food restaurant. His hair is getting really long and I am hoping to learn how to corn-row braids into it. We are working on not talking and touching everyone we see (he is becoming too social these days I am scared someone will take off with him if I am not careful). He is still very sweet and eagar to please, rarely pushing the limits. We are very blessed having such a sweet boy. He has moved on from the Incredibles movie to Bolt. Most days he is Penny and if you talk to him for more than 20 seconds I promise he will bring up at least one of the main characters in the movie.

Abdisa: He is like a cross between a monkey who can climb or scale anything and the Tasmanian devil...He goes a hundred miles an hour 12 hours a day. When you ask him to say single words he will try and most of the time he is right on. If I count to two he will say "three". If you ask him how old he is he will hold up his fingers and try to show you. His favorite word is "horsie" for horse and he loves to yell "DADDY" every time the front door opens after 5 pm at night. Lately he has been on a sleeping strike and screams/cries for min of 20 mins before either busting into a laughing stupor or falling fast asleep... (very weird). To be honest it is hard work keeping up with him, however I wouldn't change a single thing about him if given the chance.

Me: Work is good... I have substituted as a pediatric home health nurse and an occupational health nurse so far. They both were interesting however I really miss helping with births. Thankfully, my friend is opening a new birth center and I will be kind of getting my old job back- teaching, helping with births and some management stuff. I'll start part time on October 1st. I am still trying to juggle being a mother and a working mother and housekeeper. Hopefully I am getting better but you would have to ask my family to know the truth. My health took a dive this last week and we are making plans to head back to Mayo in October. I am better now than a couple days ago- I am really watching my diet and back on my medicine. Hopefully it was just a small setback... I am not ready to be sick again & taken out of life for any amount of time.

Well that's about all... blessing to all our friends and family!

Danny's injury

2009-09-03T17:57:00.000-07:00

Of course the first time Danny gets hurt is the night before the social worker comes to check on us. On Tuesday night, my daughter was playing with Danny and pulled him by his arms over the back of the couch and... yep, you guessed it... his elbow got pulled out of place & dislocated. Good thing papa is a medical professional & knows how to fix these things... Despite it getting put back into place he continued to be very guarded with it as it was very tender. He has pretty much acted like a stroke victim ever sense- his right arm just hangs at his side as if paralyzed.
The bad part was for some unknown reason he kept blaming his injury on "that guy" refering to a muscle-steroid using action figure. He wanted to put "that guy" in time out, spank his butt & his him hard... not words you really want your three year old saying in front of the social worker. (I promise we are not abusive parents!)
But all went well... we passed as good parents & the kids in good condition. I love our social woker- she is really down to earth & supportive.

Abdisa's vocabulary is growing everyday... today he said "look"--- ahhh I am not ready for him to be so old.

First day of School

2009-08-31T16:27:00.000-07:00

Well, the girls are back to school, middle school to be precise... I wanted to take a photo of them before they left this morning but forgot... maybe I will catch them tomorrow. The boys & I settled back into a routine. One that I am proud to say included the gym.
Today is Rick's 31st birthday so we are going to celebrate tonight with a trip to Cold Stone Icecream... his favorite.
Abdisa is officially off of formula! We are going to save $250-300 dollars a month. Next big savings is when Abdisa is out of diapers and it just so happens that he told me he was poopy today so we may be on our way to mastering that skill soon too!

Here are photos from our hike in the beginning of August- Enjoy!

This is my sleepy head... fell asleep in the backpack & missed out on playing in the river. Can't say I was too upset about that one, knowing him he would have been floating down river in less than 3 seconds if given the chance

Kailey & Beth playing in the water

Finally a good photo of Danny & myself. I will treasure this one.

Danny with his favorite big sister Taylor!

silly photos

2009-08-25T11:26:00.003-07:00

The boys & I were playing around last night & took some photos... thought I would share!

Just a little update on us... I have started working for a home health agency in town on an "as needed" basis. They call me when they have open shifts & I can say yes or no. So far it has been good. I did four night shifts last week... it was so good to get back to nursing & I was able to leave the house after the boys went to bed and be here before they got up in the morning... They never even knew I was gone. I did have to take several naps during the day but my sister in law came over & played with the boys so it all worked out good.
Danny was confused as to why I was sleeping so much... finally on day three he said, "Mommy you sick?"
"No honey, I am just tired. I worked last night"
He got this funny look on his face and said "What you talking about mom!?" (just like webster used to say on that sit com....
It was so cute!

returning to work

2009-08-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

(two posts in one day?!)
Rick & I have decided it is now time for me to return to work. I left my job at the birth center on August 1, 2008....I will return to work, hopefully, on September 1st.
I did a couple interviews this month & am hoping something will come up that works with my familys' schedule.
There is definately a certain amount of guilt that comes with the thought of going back to work. I am excited about getting back into my career, being challenged daily, working with patients & other adults, to feel like I am contributing to the world in some way. I am sad to think I won't be with the boys everyday, hanging out, playing or taking care of them. I keep hoping that there is a good balance somewhere between being a good mom & being a good working mom... but in my mind I can't seem to figure out what that would look like.
Up until this year, all my girls have ever known was me working and/or going to school... there were a lot of things that I missed out on because of my commitment to something other than my girls. I don't want to do that again if I can help it...
Right now we are in a season of prayer...I pray I will recongnize the right job at the right time. I pray that whatever I do that I would be able to balance the needs of my family & the needs of my job in a way that no one suffers. I pray that we can be diligent with our finances to be able to eliminate debt & stress not add to it.
More than anything I pray we can find the right daycare provider for the boys that they might enjoy their time away from home.
Kind of a big pray...Thankfully I have a Big God who is Good.

Its about time!

2009-08-12T12:40:00.000-07:00

(Sigh).... I feel like the last month has been a whirl wind. We are back to a normal life, normal routine around here...and it is exhausting being a mother- amazing, rewarding, breath taking, yet so very exhausting. Everyday, I think, when the boys lay down I am going to take a nap but then it is so great to have 2 hours of quiet uninterrupted time that I want to soak in every minute & can't possibly imagine wasting it by sleeping...I am that way with massages too... feels so good that it puts me to sleep but I fight sleeping in order not to miss a moment of pleasure.

This month marks one year with my baby boy. I picked up Abdisa on Aug 8th, 2008.. he was a mere 4 months old, 5 lbs, and infant like in his development. Now I look at him & wonder if he is even the same baby?! He is now 16 months old, 20 lbs & full of energy & life. He runs around the house at mock speeding, climbs on everything & anything he can, speaks atleast 20 single words & understands most everything you tell him. Abdisa's personality blossoms everyday. He is a happy, go lucky toddler, laughing all day long, exploring every inch of his world. He loves to dance & clap his hands & entertain anyone who maybe watching him. He can also throw the most amazing fit I have ever seen & is extremely stubborn at times but I am thankful for that part of him too, I believe it was his fighting spirit that kept him alive until he was placed in our home.
Life has changed so much since the day we brought him home... to say that we are thankful for every moment would be such an understatement. I can't imagine our life without our sweet baby boy!

there is no place like home

2009-07-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

I have been a bad blogger lately.... Too busy jumping back into my life I guess. In one week home we: went to the park for lunch, to the water park, to the lake, to the farmers market, had a bbq with friends, cleaned & organized the entire house, gardened, had Kailey's birthday party & played, played, played!
It is so good to be normal again. My husband says I still look a little pale, but for the most part I feel really good. I stick to my diet about 80% of the time but am maintaining my weight for now so all is good. I am even able to drink a cup of coffee once a day (something I very much love & have missed for three months)
Abdisa is doing great... he doesn't seem phased by my sickness, bonding is good & he is a happy camper.
I think we took a step or two backwards with Danny. He is happy & healthy but seems to have lost any preference for me or Rick... any family member or family friend is okay for him. We had one day of acting out where he bit and punched our dog & kept having to go to time outs but it was a pretty mild event. He has been home now for six months & has progressed a lot. His english is great, he no longer refers to himself in the third person. He has very few outbursts or melt downs. He is a sweet boy & very egar to please us. The only concern I have is the bonding.
Its like he really likes us but doesn't need us... go with the flow kind of kid. He will hug & kiss us & say I love you but it feels more automatic then something he wants or needs from us. So.. we just keep trying... spending more one on one time with him, holding him, loving on him... I'm sure that one day things will just click.

TGIF

2009-07-17T17:36:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to see my family tomorrow! Thank goodness it is Friday.
I went to my doctor today and asked him, "What if the Botox doesn't work." He said, "It will work."
I don't think he answered my questions but I like his positive attitude.
They ended up pulling my PICC line out which I have mixed feelings about. I am very excited not to wear my dinner in a backpack anymore, and very excited that I don't have tubes hanging out of my arm and I was starting to feel like a closet druggie shooting various cocktails into my veins all the time. But it is also hard to be brave. I felt so bad for so long I am scared to do anything that may anyway send me back to that state of health or mind. Given that statement it is probably good that someone gave me a little push to test my true recovery.

Okay enough of that... I am going to try to finish the next 50 things about me
51. I am obsessive about clean & vacuum my house at least once a day
52. I love cake, especially Place to Ponder cake
53. I move at the speed of lightening when I feel good
54. I love Kahlua & cream pie
55. I hate camping or any wilderness activities
(Those came from my best friend, Dawn- you know me too well!)
56. I love gourmet Asian food like PF Chang's or The Mustard Seed (we eat there about once per week)
57. My favorite season is fall
58. I would like to go get my masters degree in public health or midwifery
59. I do all the finances in our house
60. I love to shop
61. I have given away a lot of clothes with the tags still on them (don't know if Rick knows that)
62. I want to live in a foreign country for one solid year (hopefully Ethiopia)
63. I almost always give money to people with signs standing at the street corner
64. I don't eat any candy except Reece's Peanut butter cups
65. my right ear lobe piercing got torn out so I now have a split ear lobe
66. I don't wear any jewelry except my wedding ring and once in a while a diamond necklace from my husband
67. I have worked a 36 hour shift once without any sleep
68. I don't ever paint my fingers or toes unless it is a french style
69. I am a horrible speller
70. I like math
71. My favorite sport to watch is four-five year old playing soccer
72. I want to drive to Michigan one day just to go to Rob Bell's church
73. This summer Rick & I are going on a romantic get away to Seattle without any kids
74. I do most of our grocery shopping at Costco
75. If I could work for fun I would own a coffee shop
76. I once had 7 shots of espresso in one four hour shift- (not a good idea)
77. I would love to live in Florida on beach front property
78. I used to call myself "ninsey nudy" when I was little (Linsey Rude was my maiden name)
79. I had a speech problem until I was in the third grade
80. I am terrified of mice & snakes
81. I don't like carnival rides
82. I nag my husband too much sometimes
83. If there is a project I am doing I can't do anything else until it is done
84. I can't say no to people
85. I love to BBQ in the summer
86. my sister & I can laugh about things that no one else thinks is funny
87. I love to clean my kids ears out with Q tips especially if it is dirty
88. I love my house
89. I refuse to shop at Walmart
90. I cleaned houses to get me through college
91. One time I had four jobs at the same time
92. my favorite clothes are jeans & a white t shirt
93. I don't really like ice cream
94. I could be a couch potato & watch TV all day
95. I didn't own a TV for four years before I got married
96. I wish I could buy anything I want at Pottery Barn
97. I am learning to Garden
98. I want to learn to play the piano
99. My husband thinks I have cute feet
100. My husbands feet are very ugly! but I love him anyways!

100th post in 2009

2009-07-16T16:56:00.001-07:00

I just read a friends blog and learned that at your 100 post you have to tell 100 things about yourself.... Here I go....hope it will be interesting
1. I am reading the book : Eat, Pray, Love. And I love it!
2. I just finished reading: The Host (I still wonder why I read pass the first chapter- boring book)
3. I just bought a cute notebook to write down everything I eat- I couldn't fathom using a plain notebook for such a task
4. my favorite love story is a movie called "A lot about love"
5. I am helplessly addicted to the soap opera called "the young & the restless" (shameful I know)
6. I would rather wipe some one's butt then brush their teeth
7. I will gag while watching others brush their teeth.
8. I have never had a piece of gum in my life.
9. I have a irrational phobia regarding gum
10. I love it when Danny asks "what that?"
11. I love being a nurse
12. I love being a multicultural family
13. I want to go back to Ethiopia for fun within the next year
14. I enjoy blogging my life
15. Favorite color is blue & lime green
16. I only buy clothing that is either: white, black, gray or brown
17. I love opening the windows at night time so we can sleep in fresh air
18. I am crazy about coffee- 16oz iced triple americano extra ice extra cream
19. I would rather drink whipping cream than skim milk
20. My favorite cookie is a orange milano
21. I would like to be a hospice nurse at some point in my career
22. I enjoy working out at the gym
23. but feel too guilty to go as disa cries the entire time in nursery
24. I listen only to Christian radio or cd's
25. I want to visit Mars hill church in Michigan one day
26. I think Rob Bell is the next best preacher other than Jesus
27. I love Jesus, God, & the holy spirit with all my being
28. I drool in my sleep
29. When I am really tired I will talk too
30. I love to have my feet tickled
31. My favorite snack is graham crackers & peanut butter
32. I am finally learning to cook at the age of 31
33. I think my daughters are stunningly beautiful
34. I giggle when I think one day I will be a mother of two grown black men
35. I enjoy play dates with other moms
36. I can't go to the movie theater without ordering a soda & popcorn
37. I don't collect anything and love to de-clutter my house monthly
38. My husband is a hoarder-
39. this is an area of conflict in our house
40. I dated rick for 6 months then we got engaged
41. We married 2 months later
42. I love my wedding photos- especially the kissing ones
43. I enjoy a good bottle of wine
44. my favorite place to eat is "Finn & Porter"
45. It is the same place Rick took me for our first date
46. Favorite vegetable- asparagus- only because it makes my pee smell funny
47. My first car was a convertible jeep
48. I want the last car I own to be the same as my first
49. We went to Cancun on our honeymoon
50. I want to take dancing lessons with my husband this year
Okay I am stopping here as I can't think of any more.... maybe I will make Rick do the rest about him.

he said I love you

2009-07-15T21:31:00.001-07:00

Tonight I called to say goodnight to Rick... Disa was still up so I got to say goodnight to him too. When he heard my voice he said, "momma" and kissed the phone. then I said, "I love you disa" and he said "I ow u" then my heart melted.

unremarkable

2009-07-15T16:54:00.000-07:00

My pathology report on the tissue sample from the Barrett's esophagus was unremarkable...This is probably the one and only time I will be excited about being unremarkable. For non-medical professionals that means no abnormal cells were found, no cancer! YIPPEEE!
I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. The last two nights I haven't been able to sleep, I've been a mess of emotions & all but planned my own funeral. I am so excited that I am not facing cancer or any other horrible affliction. One diagnosis per decade is enough for me.
Thank you all so much for you loving prayers & encouragement...I checked my blog multiple times a day just to uplift my spirit in the last couple days.
I am also relieved to be going home on Saturday. I have missed my family & my life so much... not just from being in Arizona but from being so sick. I really do believe I am doing much better now & am hoping to be able to go back to my life... playing with my kids, loving my husband & really living again.
Praise God for His loving grace & mercy over me. I hope I never take life for granted again. Each day we are given is a blessing & a gift- I realize that so much more now and because of that I think there will be somethings that I do very differently when I get back home.

better day

2009-07-14T17:59:00.000-07:00

What is that saying, "tomorrow will be better." I guess it is true. I am much better after throwing such a fit yesterday. I miss my family like crazy & can't wait for this week to be over. I try not to think too much about the pathology report that is looming somewhere ahead and just focusing on my small goals for the week.
I had some relief from the botox- I woke this morning with a calm stomach which is very abnormal. Usually I wake with severe nausea & need medicine before getting out of bed. I have used my PICC line only twice today for medication, everything else has been in pill form & I am keeping my nausea under control.
Rick appears to be managing the boys really well... this has been his first time truly alone with them and he is loving it. Abdisa wouldn't let him put him down this morning as he wanted to snuggle. Danny is enjoying his time with his dad too... they got to spend alone time at the water park on Sunday & had a blast.
Well, I probably won't post again until I have any new news. Keep praying for a good outcome and or that I can handle whatever is thrown my way.
blessings
Linsey

A day of Tears

2009-07-13T16:06:00.001-07:00

My day has been mostly consumed by tears & sleep... I wish I could say I was brave for my mornings test but I would be horribly
lieing to you. I cried all morning while I got ready, cried the whole car ride there, cried during the check in procedure, continued to cry in the waiting room & even into the surgical prep area. In fact I cried so much that I couldn't breath out of my nose anymore as it was full of snot. The nurse kept handing me tissues & telling me to blow...
So why was I crying? I was scared to go through this without having Rick by my side, scared that I would do the procedure & it wouldn't work, and lastly scared they wouldn't give me enough sleepy medication & that I would be awake during the whole thing like last time.
The procedure ended up going okay... they gave me Demerol so I was at peace during the whole thing & my sister Jill was there in the recovery room when I woke up so I didn't feel alone. However the tears returned as I received bad news. While in my esophagus they found Barretts's - which is when the lining of your esophagus changes to be more like the lining of your intestines. They took a biopsy of the area & will know more when it is back from pathology on Friday. Barrett's is due to chronic acid reflex eroding away the normal tissues in the esophagus. There are four levels of changes that occur: mild, moderate, severe, and cancer. My understanding is if it is mild or moderate we will just watch it, if it is severe or cancer then we will do treatments. Statistically speaking only 1% of patients with Barrett's progresses to cancer. However esophageal cancer is not one that is typically cured. Even though the odds are in my favor, I worry because I have had acid reflex ever since I was a baby & have had two surgeries to try to correct it. Acid reflex is something I have lived with for 31 years- that is a long time to do damage to my esophagus. so now I have been crying worrying about the worse possible outcome.
So between now & Friday I guess I will be taking a lot of deep breaths & try to think positive. Rick is booking my ticket home for Friday hoping I won't need any treatments so that I can leave.
As far as the gastroparesis goes, we won't know for sure if the new medication or the botox worked for two weeks so there is no since me sitting around here missing my family when I can go home & wait it out.

Today

2009-07-11T17:52:00.000-07:00

Everyone made it home safe and sound yesterday. Danny was happy to see his Daddy & it sounds like they have been playing all day. Abdisa did his happy feet dance when we walked into his room for the first time. One day I will have to get that dance on video for you... it is the cutest thing in the world. He only does it for extreme happiness so it is hard to capture on camera. Today has been quiet & simple... my kind of day. Jill & I went shopping for a bit mid morning. (I only brought one outfit to wear & the rest were PJ's thinking I would be in bed most of the time... since I have the whole week mostly free I figured I better get a few clothes to wear out in public.) We were only out for a few hours but by the end of it I was really nauseated so I came home and slept.
It is so weird, sometimes I feel normal, can eat, drink & it doesn't affect me much- then out of the blue- wham I get struck with incredible waves of nausea. I am slowly stopping my TPN (liquid food) and keeping close track of how much I am eating orally. I really think that getting off the TPN will be easy, I seem to be able to eat enough with my medications on board. I am concerned about giving up the IV meds. I am taking them every four hours and still have break through nausea. But then again, maybe the botox injection will provide significant relief so the oral medication will work... only time will tell.
By the way, can I tell you how much I hate insurance? They are declining to pay for my procedure on Monday, saying that it is "too experimental & not enough evidence that it works". If I was an insurance company I would allow me to try any procedure that was offered... considering right now they pay about $800.00 per day just to feed and medicate me. I figure that the insurance company has already paid out $16,000 for 20 days. If I decline to have this procedure based on their decision not to pay, who knows how much longer I will need to be on this stuff.
The botox costs $2700 for the entire procedure so we are going to take responsibility to pay for it, but let me tell you, if it works I will be fighting the insurance company to reverse their decision especially considering I may need to repeat this procedure up to 3 times a year.

Rick returns home

2009-07-10T16:38:00.000-07:00

Abdisa & Rick left this afternoon on a flight back home. It was a parting full of tears... Rick has been my source of strength, support & greatest encourager through this & I hate to go through it without him. However, the bank account is calling.... we need him to get back to work so we can pay bills this month.
I am now staying with my sister Jill.. which I am so grateful for it will save us a ton of money on a hotel- plus I wont be alone.
Today I started a diet journal for my upcoming appointment with the nutritionist, I am curious to see if I can eat & drink enough to eliminate my tube feedings...My new diet is low residue & low fat. I have googled it a bit and noticed that I can't eat some of my favorite foods anymore & it seems so contradictory to what everyone says is good for you.... I now can eat only white bread, white rice, nothing with multi grains, no berries, nuts, beans, no peanut butter (that one is my most favorite) or raw vegetables are out too so no more salads.... I hope I can be good & stick to this....time will tell

A diagnosis

2009-07-09T22:35:00.001-07:00

Halleluia! We have a discovery. I failed miserably the gastric emptying test which means I have moderate to severe gastroparesis. In smaller words...my stomach doesn't function normally. On monday I will get botox injections via another upper endoscopy (my third one this year, yippee). Then on Thursday I will have a meeting with a dietian to figure out my new diet (low residue, low fat). By Friday I should know if the botox is working so I will check in with my doctor & then either get plan B if it is not working or be heading back to Montana if it does work. The other big goal for this week is to get me off my IV medications and on oral ones as well as eating normally... They want to pull my PICC line by the end of the week.
I am super relieved but very cautious. I have been sick for 12 weeks- that's three whole months of nausea and it is hard to believe that I actually might be back to normal by next week... all I can say is Keep Praying...I think God is going to move a mountain for me.

testing

2009-07-08T15:41:00.000-07:00

I had my gastric emptying test today... they made me eat a half of an egg sandwich with milk then followed it through my digestive track. We won't get any news until tomorrow when they finish the test with one last look at my colon. The unfortunate part about testing is I can't have any of my medications...the nausea is manageable...overall I feel tired.
We are going to try to go out to dinner tonight with my sister Jill & her family.

2009-07-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

today's events

2009-07-07T18:49:00.000-07:00

We took Abdisa this afternoon shopping, to the water fountains, to dinner, grocery shopping & then back home...

Finally I got a photo of him laughing. I love this photo! It is so him.

Abdisa being a total cheese ball for the camera

A partial family photo.... (I miss my Danny, Kailey & Taylor)

Totally crashed out on the floor of our hotel, I guess that is how you wear out a 15 month old.

Check out those eyelashes & pouty lip...Ohhhh I am so in love with this little boy. I can stare at him for hours in awe

2009-07-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

This is us in Arizona....

My sister Britney & Abdisa...not quite sure what happened to this photo???

This is my PICC line for anyone who hasn't seen one. Kind of gross- I can't wait to get it removed permentantly.

Mommy & Disa playing in the hotel. Yep, I cut off my hair last night- courtesy of my step sister Jill. We took off 6 inches!

Papa & Abdisa playing in the pool. It has been averaging 110 degrees here so the pool has been a great afternoon playtime activity.

summer fun in Montana

2009-07-06T08:48:00.000-07:00

Here are some photos from June in Montana

Abdisa sound asleep following a hard afternoon of playing

My sweet Danny boy! How could you resist that face.

We are letting Abdisa feed himself for the most part. He has had six months of practice however.... we haven't quite mastered the skill.

An afternoon of water play! My water bill went from 30 dollars a month to over 100 shortly after the boys discovered the hose.

missed the fireworks

2009-07-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

Well, last night we missed all the fireworks. Bummer since it was the fouth but we will have to really do it up next year. We spent several hours in the Emergency Room last night getting my PICC line dressing changed. I accidently got it wet and the adhesive bandage that was holding it on was irritating my skin.
Some of my symptoms have changed for the better and I am not really sure why. The constipation has resolved its self after drinking all the liquid dye juice for my CT scan. It is so nice to have clean bowels! (Yippee for small victories) I have been able to eat & drink better with less nausea... I am taking my anti-nausea medicines around the clock so that might be helping...I am almost tempted to stop taking them to reassess the nausea, but then again I may not be that brave.
Abdisa is doing so good... he is speaking more words- not consistantly but saying them once or twice. we have heard "out please, down please, more, water, i love you, britney" He can now complete simple commands like- throwing his diapers in the garbage or giving something to a specific person. I love to watch his growth but it makes me sad he is getting so big!
We got word that Danny loved the fireworks... when we tried to call him he was so excited he got about three words out and then hung up on us.
Well, tomorrow afternoon we will call the doctor & figure out the schedule for testing...I'll keep you posted
Linsey

released from the hospital

2009-07-04T08:18:00.000-07:00

Well, a lot happened in a few short days. Mayo is very impressive. We had an office visit on July 1st with a GI specialist. Who then admitted me to the hospital thru the ER. After 5 hours in the emergency room they put me in a private room & had me just rest & get caught up on IV fluids for the rest of the day.
Then on the 2nd I told my story to five more doctor's. I kept waiting for one of them to say "I know exactly what this is!" however they just scratched their head instead and ordered more testing....One doctor was very enthusiastic and said,, "you are a medical mystery. I love challanges & am sure I will be writing about you in some journal. I am going to figure this one out!" I pray he does.
When we came down here we were worried about an infection in my picc line... but once the nurses gave it a good scrub it looked & felt much better plus all my lab cultures from the drainage came back ok.... unfortunately when they took the xray to confirm it's placement they found it was not deep enough inside my artery. If they didn't remove it and continued to run my lipids & liquid food through it we ran a risk of destroying the vein which could permenently interfer with blood return from my arm. So they needed to pull my old one and place another one in my other arm. Getting a PICC line placed isn't my favorite thing... you are awake during the whole thing & it feels really weird. Then I found out they decided to do an upper endoscopy to look at the structure of my esophagus, stomach & small intestines, to take biopsies & fluid sample to look at the bacteria in my GI. The last test they decided to do was to look by CT on my small bowel after placing a liter of fluid in it..again just looking for structural problems.
Now one would think after all this time of being sick & not knowing what was going on that I would be thrilled to do something about it that might give us some answers... however my first response to all of this (once the doctor left my room) was to pull the covers up over my head and begin to sob. I truely want to get better but the process of getting there is so not fun... poking, blood draws, drinking weird liquids that make your insides light up, getting tubes place that will unnaturally hang out from your skin for unknown periods of time....yuck!
While my husband was very lovingly trying to talk me into coming out from under the covers my nurse walked in and asked if I was ok.... I must have looked like an eight year old.. oh well, I guess at 31 I still allow myself to admit that I am scared and I think that is a good thing.
Overall the testing & PICC placement went ok.... better than I expected... I got away with only drinking 2/3 of the light up juice & still had a good CT result, my PICC placement was done at bedside this time and went so much smoother than last time. The only down side was they didn't give me enough amnesia juice, so I remembered & felt the whole upper endoscopy- but had enough paralytic juice on board that I could tolerate the procedure.... I think I must have been creeping the nurse out that was helping cause she kept telling me to close my eyes... instead I kept watching them.... hehehhe. And I got to burp like NEVER before... they fill up your GI track with air so they can see and when they are doing the test you burp like crazy. Too bad my girls weren't there they would have thought it was hysterical!
On the 3rd we got some of the results back, a new plan and I was released from the hospital. (Yippee to all three) Structurally everything is fine...no results on the biopsy yet but the liquid told them I still have H-pylori & an overgrowth of good bacteria in my gut. The plan is to put me on antibiotics for five days. On monday we call to get a gastric emptying study scheduled & I see a doctor on Wednesday to go over all results.
Rick & my sister have to leave on Friday. We are praying we will know what is causing all my problems by then & and have fixed it. That is a big prayer, but then again... I serve a BIG GOD who can do anything. Thanks again for all your prayers & loving comments, I treasure each one.
So far Abdisa is doing good. He was very clingy to me yesterday. We tried to bring him to the hospital every night & morning but he is much too active to stay there for very long... too many buttons to push, tubes to pull on...you know. Rick said that he was much happier than he had been before with me now at home. Today the clingyness is gone- and he is back to entertaining me. We are about to take him swimming, his favorite activity here.
Danny is reportedly doing well. His schedule has been very busy- hoping he won't miss us. He did wake up the second morning and told his aunty Ashely that they were going to get on a plane & go see momma now! (much emphasis on the now part) I miss him a lot & can't wait to see him & hear all the stories he has to tell me. Thanks to everyone who is pitching in to help with him... there is report that Crystal will post photos of him and Sylvi on her blog playing in their wade pool. I can't wait to see them.
Well, I love you all. thanks for the support & love!

for a season

2009-06-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

For a season I will be posting a lot of what is going on here in Phoenix & my health. Abdisa is with us so I am sure there will be multiple stories & photos of him. Danny is back home, but we will be able to chat everyday & who knows what kinds of stories I will hear from him. I will try to keep it light & easy for those with queasy stomaches....
We arrived late last night. Abdisa was wonderful! He slept the whole plane ride, the one hour car ride & all last night - minus the part where he fell off the bed in the middle of the night- oops (bad momma)! He is loving the one on one attention from both mom & dad...entertaining us quite well. He loves the hall ways at the hotel because it echos so he talks very loudly when he runs down them... then giggles with delight. I tell you that boy can melt my heart in a microsecond.
Right now Daddy and him are playing in the pool. It is sunny & beautiful here!

As for me I am having some pretty intense stomach cramping. For 9 days I have been backed up. We took an x ray on Sunday & my whole descending colon is full & dialated however I can't get it out. I think we have bought every laxative, enema & suppositories known to man. My PIC line is also looking a little infected. We changed the dressing yesterday and took a culture to make sure it wasn't anything too bad. We should get the results sometime today. Over all, I think I am getting used to the nausea & am managing pretty well with my current meds.

Our plan for today is to go check out mayo clinic, maybe get to a grocery store to buy some food for the room & to relax. My sister will be in this evening and even though it has only been a week since I've seen her I am still excited she is coming.

Thanks for all the comments on my last post. All the support and words of encouragement meant a lot to me. And more than anything thanks for the prayers. My spirit is at peace with whatever is happening because I do feel God is close. Whenever I get scared or overwhelmed He has been quick to comfort me....What else could I ask for?